February 14, 2002
Dear Carmen:
You were
right. We did have a communication
problem. There was too
much of it from you about the following:
1. Why football all sports are brutal boring
pointless don’t I care about having anything nice like everybody else we have to get a new sofa just
look at this hopelessly outdated doesn’t go with anything in this whole room is
wrong
2. Why we have to go along with what the nearest
and dearest dozen sisters in your coven are
plotting
3. Why we should be doing whatever “Mother says”
we should be doing
4. Why your Aunt Esmeralda’s imagined “mature
romance” crashed because men are pigs
5. Why all men are pigs
6. Why I am a pig
7. Why I am insensitive inconsiderate callous
stone-cold heartless cruel
8. Why you don’t remember using those words and
anyway why I should have known
9. Why you kept insisting that outfit made you
look fat and
10. Why I should not have finally agreed
11. Why I can’t wear this with that if you are
going to be seen in public with what I wear reflects on
you are not going to be seen in public with some ignorant tasteless et cetera
12. Why you should have all the closet space
bathroom space drawer space and I can put my clothes
and those other things in the basement or the garage or the tool shed plenty of room all I need is one bottom drawer and anyway you said you
would let me hang my shaving kit on the back of the bathroom door under the
towel
13. Why we don’t need a tool shed completely
destroys the ambiance really loved you
I would show you could have done so much better if you had just
listened to your mother would be a happy woman today and not miserable just
miserable living in this hell the tragedy of your life has et cetera
14. Why I have to go to the drugstore for your
“those days” and yet keep it at all costs a Classified State Secret from even
the pharmacist and the cashier
15. Why we should share the washing drying
ironing picking-up dusting vacuuming sweeping mopping
cooking dish-washing bedroom- and bathroom-cleaning and
16. Why it is completely out of the question to
expect you (even though you are “strong as a
woman”) to lift even one of your 12 fingers to help me take out the garbage mow the
lawn trim the hedge rake the leaves clean the gutters change the oil/the tire get gas
shovel the snow feed the/walk the dog rescue the/take the cat to the vet take
your tailored silk to/get your tailored silk from the cleaners get the
Wait. Now I get
it. Only 12 fingers.
Well here’s another
one for you.
